Personal development coach Mary Hartley explains the secrets of assertiveness – of how to communicate with other people in ways that are confident, effective – but also considerate. Mary reveals the simple steps you can take to help you relate to other people honestly and openly in every area of your life – at work, with your friends and family and in your love life. You will discover that you can be true to yourself and your needs without hurting or diminishing other people.
- What assertiveness is and why it matters
- How to avoid aggression, passivity and manipulation
- Tips for handling tricky situations including put-downs and dealing with bullies
- Mastering assertive body language and communication
Packed with practical strategies and exercises, this book will show you how to be confident, assured and proactive – with style.
I like reading "girl power" books and enjoyed this one.
For the most part, I don't have a problem being assertive. But as an educator, I spend a lot of time dealing with people so I like reading books on how to handle different situations.
According to the author, assertiveness is:
"... a way of behaving and communicating that is based on acceptance of oneself and of other people. It demonstrates confidence without being overconfident, and self-control without trying to control others.
It shows that you respect yourself and you respect other people as well - in fact, you respect others too much to play games with them or to patronise them by assuming they cannot take dissent or disagreement.
When you behave assertively, you are open and honest without hurting or diminishing others."
The chapters are:
- What is a Smart Girl?: The author tells us what is a "Smart Girl", why we find it hard to be assertive (we want to be liked, you assume negative consequences, etc.) and why we should be assertive
- The Bulldozer, the Pushover, the Snake - and the Star: These are different styles of behavior and why people behave this way
- Getting the right mindset: Letting go of guilt, taking responsibility for yourself, etc.
- Step-by-step guide to assertive communication: There are six steps starting with identifying what you are feeling
- How to say it - smart body language: Tone of voice, posture, gestures, etc.
- Saying "no" without losing your friends or your job
- Dealing with criticism
- Tricky situations in your personal and social life: Answering difficult questions from people you aren't close to (like why aren't you married, when you've lost your job, you've broken up with someone, etc.), dealing with visitors when you don't feel like seeing anyone, saying "no" to a friend, etc.
- Dealing with difficult people: How to deal with the bulldozer, the pushover and the snake
- Praise and compliments: How to give and receive compliments
I liked the writing style. I found it was friendly and conversational. There were lots of examples and suggested solutions for various situations that you can put to use right away.