Book ~ "Against My Will" (2012) Benjamin Berkley

From Goodreads ~ Rose is a young girl and has just been liberated from a Nazi death camp. As she is convalescing in the hospital, a nurse hands her a journal and suggests that she records her experience before she forgets. Rose says that she will "never forget." 

Seventy years later, her granddaughter Danielle discovers the journal entries. Danielle is struggling in an abusive relationship. And the two lives intersect. This is the story of survival, self- discovery, justice, and ultimately about love.

There are two stories in this book.  Rose is a Jew and her family had been taken to a concentration camp during World War II.  She is eventually saved but never sees her family again.  To help her heal, a nurse suggest she record her experiences, which includes being raped, in a journal.

The second story happens almost than seventy years later with her granddaughter, Danielle.  Danielle is hitting thirty, still living home with her father and has just passed the bar exam.  Her father arranges for a matchmaker to introduce her to Jacob.  Wanting to please her father, she quickly marries Jacob who turns out to be an A-hole.  He's cold, controlling verbally abusive and repeatedly rapes Danielle since he feels she is his wife and his property and he wants a family. With the help of Nana Rose, Danielle escapes and makes a new life for herself.

Despite the subject matter, I really enjoyed this book.  I liked the writing style and found it was well-paced.

I felt like smacking Danielle for giving in to the pressure of marrying Jacob even though she knew she didn't want to.  But she hoped things would have gotten better but they never did.  Good for her for eventually getting out!  Despite all that she'd been through, Nana Rose is cute and obviously loves her family.  I liked her theory of giving things away while the hands are warm.

This is a sad but happy book and one that I would recommend.

Book ~ "Before You Say I Do Again: A Buyer's Beware Guide to Remarriage" (2009) Benjamin Berkley

From Goodreads ~ Bookshelves are filled with warm and fuzzy titles authored by psychologists and family counselors. Their message is to teach how to listen to each other and improve the relationship. 

"Before You Say I Do, Again!" is not a how to book to get back together or to stay together. Instead it takes the gloves off and provides insight as to the issues one must consider before walking down the aisle a second time. 

Tackling a serious subject, but presented in a sometimes whimsical fashion, "Before You Say I Do, Again!' puts the brakes on the wedding ceremony and provides the reader with the questions that must be answered before you drive down the path of destruction.

This book is good for anyone who is considering remarriage.  It's written by a lawyer and as the description says, it's not a "how-to" book.  Instead it gives you things to think about before you do it.  Some of the chapters cover:

• Remarrying for love or money
• How to handle loneliness
• Listening to the opinions of your family and friends
• Remarrying for revenge
• Blended families and the Brady Bunch nightmare

It also talks about the financial aspects of remarriage ... ensuring you leave with what you came with if this marriage doesn't work and making sure your kids from your first marriage get their inheritances.  There is a sample pre-nup agreement in the Appendix.

Here are some stats:

• Median age at second marriage:  Men - 34 ~ Female - 32
• Median age at second divorce:  Men - 39.3 ~ Female - 37
• Median duration of first marriages which end in divorce:  Men - 7.8 years ~ Female - 7.9 years
• Median duration of second marriages which end in divorce:  Men - 7.3 years ~ Female - 6.8 years
• # of years people wait to remarry:  Men - 3.3 years ~ Female - 3.1 years
• % of remarried people who reach 5th, 10th and 15th anniversary:  5th - 82% ~ 10th - 65% ~ 15th - 42%

The bottom line is before you get remarried, make sure that you are healthy emotionally and are ready to move on.  You can't be carrying the revenge and/or bitterness from your first marriage into your next marriage.

I enjoyed the writing style.  Despite the subject matter, it was relaxed and not too technical or boring.  There are many stories throughout the book to help you relate to the situation.

I'll leave you with this interesting tidbit from the book.  According to Match.com, men who are seeking to remarry look for a woman at least ten years younger than them. There's even a guideline for her age! Take his age, divide by two and add 12 years. So if Gord wants to replace me, he'll apparently be looking for a 41-year-old!