Wednesday 6 February 2013

Book ~ "Before You Say I Do Again: A Buyer's Beware Guide to Remarriage" (2009) Benjamin Berkley

From Goodreads ~ Bookshelves are filled with warm and fuzzy titles authored by psychologists and family counselors. Their message is to teach how to listen to each other and improve the relationship. 

"Before You Say I Do, Again!" is not a how to book to get back together or to stay together. Instead it takes the gloves off and provides insight as to the issues one must consider before walking down the aisle a second time. 

Tackling a serious subject, but presented in a sometimes whimsical fashion, "Before You Say I Do, Again!' puts the brakes on the wedding ceremony and provides the reader with the questions that must be answered before you drive down the path of destruction.

This book is good for anyone who is considering remarriage.  It's written by a lawyer and as the description says, it's not a "how-to" book.  Instead it gives you things to think about before you do it.  Some of the chapters cover:
  • Remarrying for love or money
  • How to handle loneliness
  • Listening to the opinions of your family and friends
  • Remarrying for revenge
  • Blended families and the Brady Bunch nightmare
It also talks about the financial aspects of remarriage ... ensuring you leave with what you came with if this marriage doesn't work and making sure your kids from your first marriage get their inheritances.  There is a sample pre-nup agreement in the Appendix.

Here are some stats:
  • Median age at second marriage:  Men - 34 ~ Female - 32
  • Median age at second divorce:  Men - 39.3 ~ Female - 37
  • Median duration of first marriages which end in divorce:  Men - 7.8 years ~ Female - 7.9 years
  • Median duration of second marriages which end in divorce:  Men - 7.3 years ~ Female - 6.8 years
  • # of years people wait to remarry:  Men - 3.3 years ~ Female - 3.1 years
  • % of remarried people who reach 5th, 10th and 15th anniversary:  5th - 82% ~ 10th - 65% ~ 15th - 42%

The bottom line is before you get remarried, make sure that you are healthy emotionally and are ready to move on.  You can't be carrying the revenge and/or bitterness from your first marriage into your next marriage.

I enjoyed the writing style.  Despite the subject matter, it was relaxed and not too technical or boring.  There are many stories throughout the book to help you relate to the situation.

I'll leave you with this interesting tidbit from the book.  According to, men who are seeking to remarry look for a woman at least ten years younger than them. There's even a guideline for her age! Take his age, divide by two and add 12 years. So if Gord wants to replace me, he'll apparently be looking for a 41-year-old!


JCB said...

I always love your reviews as you know. I signed up for netgalley and requested a few books and I was declined on some! As a result I have started a new book blog :) DO you realize how much you inspire me?!

Teddy Rose said...

Thanks for taking part in the tour. I'm so glad you enjoyed the book. I wish I would have read this book before my first marriage. I have been remarried 16 years, so we beat the odds. We actually took some of the advice from the book without knowing it.

Masshole Mommy said...

Sounds interesting. Both Chris and I are on our second marriage and this will be our last.

Teena in Toronto said...

Mine too, Mommy ... twice was enough :)